the past and pending.

cabin on the mountain, originally uploaded by seawallrunner.

if i had 7 days of euphoria, this depicts at least three of those days. a serene smile, an elation of ecstacy, and the giddiness of a 4 year old overrun as i simply imagine.

Sunset Beach, originally uploaded by xengravity.

whenever life gets crazy, i crawl into my crevice of a mind and picture my workshop. my workshop is my place of refuge. its a calming place that allows me to go zen. its my place away from the concrete and structure. this photo is a small glimpse of what i see in that crevice away from reality.

Snowboarding (33), originally uploaded by Option 2006.

this last weekend, i interviewed one of se7en friends that i snowboarded with. sharing a backcountry line with friends is one of the most synergistic experiences i have felt in this life. the energy, passion, intensity, and solace that is bundled with these times has been etched in my mind. so much so that i am in the process of making a documentary film about the seven of us and our shared kryptonite. much love to my ninjaz.

i am very reluctant to use always phrases.

"you always leave the milk out"

always? this implies that the guilty have never not done that which he or she is accused of and even makes inference to the notion that they will continue to do this one thing until their passing day....a dramatic and thoughtless way of inadvertantly reminding the forgotten. the beauty of passive aggression.

one thing is for certain. always statements do exist in justifiable verity.

demonstration: "There will ALWAYS be someone who is better at doing something than you or I."

this statement is universally true and the use of always is the axis with which its truth revolves.

and so it hangs. the use of a single word - readily used interchangeably with universal truth and the presence of milk.

who knew milk carried such clout.

Dominant! Photo By : Beau Lightfoot, originally uploaded by h a n g i n g p i x e l s.

3 more months.

Tree in the Ice Garden, originally uploaded by iceman9294.

one tree films.

wipe, originally uploaded by Phil Sharp (Hog).

gotta lot on my mind. with 3-4 hours of sleep per night, i feel about like this

Sentries, originally uploaded by johnnyvandergaz.

ever wanna just floor it when you drive up to one of these?

yeah, me too.

so i saw an inconvenient truth and just watched a trailer for the 11th hour. i'm not one to beat a drum, but if anyone reads this blog, pass along the following websites:

http://www.stopjunkmail.org/resident2.htm
http://wip.warnerbros.com/11thhour/
https://www.optoutprescreen.com/?rf=t


it kinda really bugs me when we as a society can make a difference, but choose not to because we are lame. at the absolute least, we just need to have conscious awareness. lets go hug some trees.

news anchors are just that.

it usually takes me around 8 minutes to figure out how to drive someone else's stick shift.

my safari tabs are links to the chain that is my stream of consciousness.

i caught myself standing inline for the taller drinking fountain...the smaller one was vacant but there was a line for the tall one. is the water different from the taller? is the extra 3 inch stoop that much more work? or is it that the smaller one was labelled as inferior to those who drank from it in grade school...and the label of being smaller and inferior still scares those who lived through childish ridicule?

apple, inc. just held another wwdc to announce the new OS that will be emerging as the tiger replacement in october as well as the cross platform safari browser that now can be downloaded on windows. the third announcement was about the iphone. it appears that apple's cult following (generally) is disappointed with apple's switch to being a platform company and not just a computing company. it is interesting how organizations can generate such cult followings with its products/services....and that these followings have strong holds to the roots for which they began their follow. it reminds me of people who get mad when green day 'sold out' or when shred heads get upset when their euphoric spots are discovered. it amazes me - the general sense of ownership that cult-followers adopt and the notion that no one can follow their following. or that change is unnacceptible. its funny...in a twisted sort of distortion.

my bra-in-law just gotta harley. i want one.

they're on to me. time to write things of substance.

here's the thing. you know....i do my best...to....to be my own...man...and, go by the beat of a different drummer. and nobody gets me. and they're always putting up walls and i'm always tearin em down. just breakin down barriers! thats what i do all day.

i love clair de lune by debussy. my grandpa loved clair de lune by debussy. my mom played it at his funeral. everytime i listen to it it reminds me of my grandpa and my mom. it is a very calming and i feel a great sense of love and family when listening to the song. it has great significant meaning to me and it is crazy how music can emotionally teleport you to moments in time.

i love batman. he is the man.

so its beginning to look like my blog resembles that of a televangelist...but more of a blogavangelist....or something.

i do have to write though that the Lord does know who we are and is very mindful of our happiness if we open our minds/hearts to recognizing. a week a go, nothing was going on really. since then we (the wifey and i) served our first two times as temple workers in the provo temple, i was given a neato calling, and we just found out that i will be a father in 200 something days.

it really is incredible how blessings pile ontop of each other when we are looking for the Lord's hand in our life...and are listening to what he tells us.

And for $29.95, you too can feel the love.

this last saturday, Jen and i were set apart as temple workers in the provo, ut temple. we are so excited! this is a tremendous blessing that we will be able to enjoy and that will draw us closer together and to the Lord. i am grateful for this invitation and hope that my testimony, spirituality, and power in the priesthood will grow as a result of my service in the Lord's house.

ok

so i started going to the gymnasium to lift weights and feel strong...and to my surprise, i actually started achieving this. in 3 months, i put on about 7 lbs. not too shabby. i was sleeping great at night, feeling juiced about life, and yeah. about a month or 6 weeks ago, my attendance at the facilities fizzled. i got wrapped up in schoolness. when i first started, i was 154 lbs. right at the end of my hardcore days before school, i was 161.

tonight i went back for the first time. it was a great sesh, but something happened to me. i am back down to 156! how did i loose 5 lbs? is this muscle mass? did i loose weight sitting behind a computer for the last 6 weeks? confused.

so about a month ago i got to school one day to be asked if i had submitted anything to the half show (byu's one show for advertising). i declined and thought, "eh...why not." i had one or two ads that i liked from my intro to creative advertising class that i thought i could get all dolled up and submit. it reminded me of high school and the photo competitions that i used to be in. it was fun to print out my ads and mount them on boards. looking around at everyone else's i was really blown away by the amount of talent that exists in our program. i had a friend turn them in for me and didn't think a lick more about it.

in the meantime i was going to nauvoo and things were looking up. until tuesday april 17th. jen and i were both pulled into the office at ldsliving and raked over the coals for doing things i wouldn't have dreamed of and for not turning in projects on timely manner that didn't have deadlines...go figure. to say the least, we were completely bummed out. it sucked. i hadn't felt that used and accused in a while. we gave our side of the story, but by 1AM that night, both realized that nauvoo was out and we were done with the company. we both wrote our letters of resignation and went to bed. i didn't sleep more than a couple hours that night and the days that followed were really heavy. we had mentally geared for nauvoo to be our first home away from provo. we were committing to at least another couple of years back east. it was a big deal and then it was gone.

the few days after struck tough. i had been criticized atop of accused and it weighed heavy. jen was low and we were down. can i say it another way? probably, but i will not. friday rolled and i had a final to work on. throughout the day, becca.foster kept popping her head in to where i was asking me to send her things i had submitted to the half show. doug mckinlay asked me if i was going that night, as did a few others. i didn't really think anything of it, but a few people asked me if i was going, so i thought i would.

the show was really cool. it was fun to be able to see everyone's submission. i was floored when i heard my name announced the first time for an honorable mention. but the awards kept coming and i left the show with a second place in non-tradish and best concept overall. it was a very humbling experience for me. i very much was not expecting anything like this at all. i was up competing with all sorts of creative genius.

it is really an amazing thing how the Lord works. things didn't go sour at ldsliving until i submitted my art to the half show. i go to the half show, get my shot of confidence and plan on sticking around provo for the summer working in the lab with jeff and hopefully building a better advertising portfolio. it was exactly what tbrown was in need of and the Lord in his infinite wisdom, bestowed at just the right time. i left the harold b. lee library very much humbled that night. not for the recognition, but for the direction with which the Lord points his children. several prayers were answered that night. my understanding of who Father in Heaven is and how He works was expanded. i felt that he knew who i was and was aware of my earthly situation. this was the best award of the night.

i also love a lot of the people in the advertising track that are leaving this semester to graduate. i will miss you all long tim.

every once in a while, i have this undeniable urge to write about something. and while i may consider my writings to be profound insights, according to my own understanding, i don't know that they really are to anyone else around me. i realize i am late riding this wave of technology, but i have finally decided to open my arms to the blog universe. i have made the connection that blogging provides a medium for which writing has required and an audience or purpose has not.

there are several reasons that i can think of that have prevented me from blogging up until this point...the most re-occurring reason keeps pointing back to maturity...or the lack thereof. in the last week i have discovered a handful of friends whom i have known for short and long periods of time who all have blogspots - not the least of whom are mature, or at least i wouldn't have guessed. for some reason i equate blogging and writing with deep thoughts and emotions brought to light. my lovely wife and her family have a family blog in which a record of family occurrences are blogged...it doesn't go more than 6 hours without someone logging on and posting a comment or creating a new post. and while we are commanded, i believe, to keep a record by the same Being that created this earth, i seldom crack a journal or reflect upon life. the combination of technology and this urge has produced a desire to blog.

you will find that my thoughts are often sporadic and seldom link together. i carry a dominant genetic trait known as attention defecit disorder which also rides in waves of consistency. at times i can be calm and collected with a mellow stream of thoughts. other times, like this current present, my mind is jumbled with millions of words, ideas, and notions....with but 10 fingers to release them.

there is much to write about life at the moment. i don't want to blog it all at once. it defeats the purpose, and i have resolved to blog steadily and with reason. i just hope i can print this out when i am finish the journey.