the past and pending.

ok

so i started going to the gymnasium to lift weights and feel strong...and to my surprise, i actually started achieving this. in 3 months, i put on about 7 lbs. not too shabby. i was sleeping great at night, feeling juiced about life, and yeah. about a month or 6 weeks ago, my attendance at the facilities fizzled. i got wrapped up in schoolness. when i first started, i was 154 lbs. right at the end of my hardcore days before school, i was 161.

tonight i went back for the first time. it was a great sesh, but something happened to me. i am back down to 156! how did i loose 5 lbs? is this muscle mass? did i loose weight sitting behind a computer for the last 6 weeks? confused.

so about a month ago i got to school one day to be asked if i had submitted anything to the half show (byu's one show for advertising). i declined and thought, "eh...why not." i had one or two ads that i liked from my intro to creative advertising class that i thought i could get all dolled up and submit. it reminded me of high school and the photo competitions that i used to be in. it was fun to print out my ads and mount them on boards. looking around at everyone else's i was really blown away by the amount of talent that exists in our program. i had a friend turn them in for me and didn't think a lick more about it.

in the meantime i was going to nauvoo and things were looking up. until tuesday april 17th. jen and i were both pulled into the office at ldsliving and raked over the coals for doing things i wouldn't have dreamed of and for not turning in projects on timely manner that didn't have deadlines...go figure. to say the least, we were completely bummed out. it sucked. i hadn't felt that used and accused in a while. we gave our side of the story, but by 1AM that night, both realized that nauvoo was out and we were done with the company. we both wrote our letters of resignation and went to bed. i didn't sleep more than a couple hours that night and the days that followed were really heavy. we had mentally geared for nauvoo to be our first home away from provo. we were committing to at least another couple of years back east. it was a big deal and then it was gone.

the few days after struck tough. i had been criticized atop of accused and it weighed heavy. jen was low and we were down. can i say it another way? probably, but i will not. friday rolled and i had a final to work on. throughout the day, becca.foster kept popping her head in to where i was asking me to send her things i had submitted to the half show. doug mckinlay asked me if i was going that night, as did a few others. i didn't really think anything of it, but a few people asked me if i was going, so i thought i would.

the show was really cool. it was fun to be able to see everyone's submission. i was floored when i heard my name announced the first time for an honorable mention. but the awards kept coming and i left the show with a second place in non-tradish and best concept overall. it was a very humbling experience for me. i very much was not expecting anything like this at all. i was up competing with all sorts of creative genius.

it is really an amazing thing how the Lord works. things didn't go sour at ldsliving until i submitted my art to the half show. i go to the half show, get my shot of confidence and plan on sticking around provo for the summer working in the lab with jeff and hopefully building a better advertising portfolio. it was exactly what tbrown was in need of and the Lord in his infinite wisdom, bestowed at just the right time. i left the harold b. lee library very much humbled that night. not for the recognition, but for the direction with which the Lord points his children. several prayers were answered that night. my understanding of who Father in Heaven is and how He works was expanded. i felt that he knew who i was and was aware of my earthly situation. this was the best award of the night.

i also love a lot of the people in the advertising track that are leaving this semester to graduate. i will miss you all long tim.

every once in a while, i have this undeniable urge to write about something. and while i may consider my writings to be profound insights, according to my own understanding, i don't know that they really are to anyone else around me. i realize i am late riding this wave of technology, but i have finally decided to open my arms to the blog universe. i have made the connection that blogging provides a medium for which writing has required and an audience or purpose has not.

there are several reasons that i can think of that have prevented me from blogging up until this point...the most re-occurring reason keeps pointing back to maturity...or the lack thereof. in the last week i have discovered a handful of friends whom i have known for short and long periods of time who all have blogspots - not the least of whom are mature, or at least i wouldn't have guessed. for some reason i equate blogging and writing with deep thoughts and emotions brought to light. my lovely wife and her family have a family blog in which a record of family occurrences are blogged...it doesn't go more than 6 hours without someone logging on and posting a comment or creating a new post. and while we are commanded, i believe, to keep a record by the same Being that created this earth, i seldom crack a journal or reflect upon life. the combination of technology and this urge has produced a desire to blog.

you will find that my thoughts are often sporadic and seldom link together. i carry a dominant genetic trait known as attention defecit disorder which also rides in waves of consistency. at times i can be calm and collected with a mellow stream of thoughts. other times, like this current present, my mind is jumbled with millions of words, ideas, and notions....with but 10 fingers to release them.

there is much to write about life at the moment. i don't want to blog it all at once. it defeats the purpose, and i have resolved to blog steadily and with reason. i just hope i can print this out when i am finish the journey.